'Tis Warm

...but, after all, I am wrapped in a comfy sweatshirt and sitting by a space heater (in my dreams, however, it's a crackling fireplace).

Outside, it's in the 40s and raining. Loosely translated: I'm home!

Until January 4, I will remain in the Concord/Santa Rosa area. I'll go back and forth, undoubtedly. I find that I cannot stay in one place for long. When I'm up here at home, my heart remains torn between the two locales. My exhausted car wishes I would just make up my mind already, but I know that this is an impossible feat. I'll hit the highway in a few more days.

I had this realization as I was driving along the 5 on Saturday: I don't have much of a plan after May 2010. I like plans. I like lists. I like checking things off of them and seeing the road ahead. This contradicts that whole not having a plan for the future issue.

What's after graduation? I have all of these hopes and goals, yet am stuck in this in between space of responsibility and adventure. I want to get an apartment. I want to get a good job and pay off my mountain of loans ASAP. I want to travel. I want to change the world through my love for God and my love for the unloved. I want to have a family and start traditions. I want to get a good camera and take pictures...documenting my journey and sharing my experiences. I want to be the kind of nurse patients look forward to seeing walking into their room. I'd like to get my Masters once I figure out what nursing I'm specifically passionate about in the field. So far? Mental Health. I LOVED that rotation.

And yet, once more, reality hits. We didn't face acutely ill clients - we didn't see the really tough part of mental health nursing. We experienced the proverbial tip of the iceberg. Then I wonder...why did I have such a great experience these past few weeks? I go back to that concept of "loving the unloved." Many of the residents at WTRC have few supporting family members or friends...and thinking about that breaks my heart. I want everyone that I encounter to feel loved, supported and significant. How does that passion fit into my life? I have absolutely no idea. I'm working on it.

I have a feeling that I have a tad more working to do, however.

So, in the meantime, I'm going to grab my down comforter, turn on the Christmas lights in my room, and read until I fall asleep next to my crackling fireplace.